By Gillian C. Peck MSW, LMSW, Director of Quality Child and Family
As a long-standing foster care organization, Samaritas has advocated for various parenting approaches over the years. These methods are not changed on a whim, but are researched and updated to reflect best practices in line with current research in the field of child development.
Over the last few years, Samaritas has invested in training its staff and caregivers in trauma informed practices. This approach was implemented due to the growing understanding by experts in the field that exposure to trauma affects both brain development and behavior. This field of thought has now also been adopted by the Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS). DHHS has added trauma language to both policy, training, and assessment forms. Samaritas is supportive of these advancements and seeks to meet and exceed industry standards in bringing trauma informed care to the youth we serve.
The adoption of trauma informed care and training led to the review of the parenting techniques that are promoted by Samaritas and shared with our staff and caregivers. Several months were spent reviewing various parenting techniques that support a trauma informed approach. There are several good models that are available that provide sound parenting practices with trauma informed approaches, but in the end Samaritas is adopting The Nurtured Heart Approach as the parenting technique that will be recommended.
Before I offer a quick summary of the approach, I wanted to share some of the reasons why Nurtured Heart was chosen over other, just as effective, models.
- Is proven effective with difficult children.
- Is trauma informed and effective with children who have experienced trauma.
- Has low-cost supporting books and workbooks that caregivers can easily follow.
- Has online and podcast training modules available for review – some for free.
- Does not require multiple-week trainings.
So for these reasons, and after much review and research, the Nurtured Heart Approach has been adopted by Samaritas as its key parent approach. Below are excerpts of an article I wrote previously, summarizing a few of the key concepts of the Nurtured Heart Approach.
There is an old adage in child development: “catch a child being good.” This phrase means taking the time to praise a child more often than pointing out a child’s mistakes or negative behaviors. But will “catching a child being good” really change difficult behavior? In the book Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser, the author details the difference between saying “good job” and describing what the child is doing right and how this approach can change negative behavior.
This approach has documented success in changing difficult behaviors, and the theory is being introduced in family counseling, schools, and parenting classes across the country. The approach has successfully assisted parents dealing with challenging behaviors often found in children diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and Reactive Attachment Disorder.
The premise behind the Nurtured Heart Approach is to not only praise children for good behavior, but to explain to children in detail what they are doing that makes that behavior appropriate. Think about the last conversation you had with a child when they were doing something you didn’t want them to do. Did you just tell them “bad job”? No, most likely you, like so many of us, gave the child a great deal of your time, energy, passion, and closeness. Even on our best day we probably said something like:
- “What are you doing? You know better than to do that. I have told you a million times not to act that way. When will you ever learn? ”
But when the same child shares a toy later we might say:
- “Well, that was nice, honey.”
The Nurtured Heart approach teaches us to put the same level of energy into telling a child when they are doing something right as we do when they are doing something wrong. To do this:
- Explain what it is you see the child doing. Tell them what it is about that act that makes their behavior appropriate.
- Put the same level of energy and emotion into describing the good behavior as you put into describing negative behavior.
- Be authentic and in the moment with the child. Don’t offer a distracted, pat response.
- Be willing to ignore minor infractions and, instead, put your energy into supporting a child when they are not breaking rules.
Glasser calls this “creating greatness”. By identifying and acknowledging greatness, children will know and understand the behaviors they need to repeat and will make a decision to be “great”. Through our reassurance and celebration of greatness, we build positive connections with the child.
As adults, we often assume children know what is expected of them, but, in reality, we need to teach children how we expect them to behave both through our example and by our positive words. This is even truer of children entering the child welfare system. These children may not have had the nurturing that your own children have experienced. Children who have come to the attention of the child welfare system are likely to have experienced some trauma in their life. They may be nervous, confused, and wary of the world around them. It is even more important that we spend a great deal of energy encouraging these children and talk to them in a calm and supportive manner. Yelling and loud noises can elicit a more overt reaction in traumatized children than in children who have never experienced trauma.
The Core Methodologies used by The Nurtured Heart Approach are:
THE THREE STANDS
- Neutralize Negative Behavior
- Energize Positive Behavior in Meaningful Ways
- Demonstrate Fair and Consistent Boundaries
Information on the Nurtured Heart Approach is available worldwide in the form of books, online courses, training workshops, and seminars. The online site also offers 10 free, short videos that detail how to use the approach. I would encourage you to take advantage of this offering. Listed below are just of few of the resources available. Information on the Nurtured Heart Approach can be found in many formats. In our busy world where it is often hard to find time to read a book, it is good to know that there are several formats through which we can expand our skills in helping children grow.
Book Resources:
- Glasser, H., & Easley, J. (2008). Transforming the difficult child; the nurtured heart approach. United States.
- Glasser, H., Bowdidge, J. & Bravo, L. (2007). Transforming the difficult child workbook; An interactive guide to the nurtured heart approach. United States.
Web Page: https://childrenssuccessfoundation.com/
Pod Cast: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nurturedheartapproach
YouTube Videos: